Chapter I: “The point of no return.”
In the end, it was only himself… the idea of his lonely destiny was making him weep.
He was crying quietly, dropping tears at the edge of madness; his fingers were slowly searching for a clean touch, out of that red agony, painfully nested all over his body.
Numbed from all his senses, shaking like a cold winter chill, hearing in a faint somewhat lost voice the words “I love you” over and over again.
He realized then that Courtney was still alive. He crawled with a vanishing straight back to her side and took her by his arms-“oh, Courtney…”- he cried, -“What have I done to you my love?”- -“This is all my fault!”- holding her tighter, feeling how the rivers of blood burned his skin with every touch. –“I never meant to do this!”- -“I don’t want to lose you like this!”- brushing her hair with his fingers for the last time. With her last-short, eternal breath she whispered –“ I will never stop loving you”- and with their last kiss, the last breath finally ended and with it, her life.
Holding her against his chest he cried in lament for their eternal love. He then took the white gold ring, from her hand and put it in his pocket. He was still so confused when he heard the sirens slowly getting ever so closely every second, paranoid by the sound, he stood up and with dilated eyes crumbling in fear he dried the tears off and began to run.
He didn’t want to leave her body there, so much was his love for her just to leave her there like a piece of paper, like another piece of trash on the way. By the time he decided to go back for her, it was too late. The paramedics and the police were at the scene. Still crying a few tears, he watched from an hidden dark corner how they were carefully analyzing her body with many questions on their eyes, even surprised by the event, it was very strange to find a body dropped in the middle of the road, shot. Without a clue, the paramedics took her and they all disappeared in silence.
In that desperate moment he swore to recover her body, that wasn’t the way he was going to leave her.
A couple of hours had passed and darkness covered the sky. A black long jacket covered him as night covers such sky; the blood on his hands now dried was losing the alarming color and the stain shape that was now starting to mix with the texture of the skin.
Wondering and walking with no direction still trapped in his thoughts, Van was asking himself how did all this ended up so wrong, was his life a mistake? Was he a monster? He didn’t understand the many questions that his mind had at that moment; he only knew that Courtney was dead and that it was all his fault. The desire for death was never as vital as it was at this very moment for him, but the questions stabbing at his mind couldn’t let him die, he needed answers, but he was now also afraid of himself. There is no bigger fight when one must battle his own self, thoughts become weapons and situations become battle fields, the scars and wounds are more lethal this way and they take more time to heal as well if… they ever will.
Remembering how they used to fool with each other, Courtney and Van; her smile was like the sun to him, but now that sun will never shine again.
At the edge of nerv-breaking agony and with nothing else to live for, he walked back to the old warehouse where he saw the mysterious demon that seemed to give him some answers trying to now find new ones.
He didn’t care if the demon was real or not anymore, he was just seeking for some hope, didn’t care if it will cost him to lose his soul before such demon, he only wanted to see her smile again, to listen to her heartbeat dancing as it danced when she saw him for the first time.
Almost running with a ray of illusion and hope in his eyes, he opened the warehouse’s gate and shouted –“Hello?”- with turbulence in his voice as if drowning in the darkness of the strange solitude, that ungrateful solitude which he was talking to. Emptiness never felt so cruel, shouting desperately –“Demon...!!!”- -“Demon???”- falling on his knees and crying once again.
The empty cold walls of the warehouse were crushing his thoughts of hope from wall to wall and from floor to ceiling; every inch of air he was breathing felt so intoxicating, he couldn’t take any more of it.
That night, laments in a form of screams could be heard from the ceiling of the old warehouse. It was the voice of a lost soul, the voice of someone digging scabs in search for a reason to live, it was... Van Lamark’s voice.
Howling like werewolves do, in such beautiful full moon as that night was, there the moon took Van by it’s arms with each little second that passed.
It dried all tears from Van’s face and sang him nearly to sleep, in a numbing point where all pain was gone, where nothing mattered at all.
Then without warning to his tempest self every little detail of what happened ran across his eyes, like when someone goes, sits down and watches a movie. Understanding the cruelty of his destiny, understanding why all happened so fast, so deceiving and without control. –“Now I began to understand why all happened”-he whispered –“Little but I understand”- -“If only I understood this sooner Courtney would still be alive!”-
Flash backs of his final moment with her were running over and over like circles in his head, like tides of a ferocious ocean claiming for blood and revenge, claiming for his life. Suddenly the cold walls of the warehouse whispered first in a low voice and then raising and raising every time louder –“Kill yourself, Van”- -“You don’t deserve to live”-
-“Jump and end your misery”- he didn’t want to hear such voices but it was no use, even with his hands over his ears he could hear them.
-“Stop!!!”-he shouted –“leave me alone!”- he shouted desperately and walking without direction he slipped off the ceiling and fell all the way down to the sidewalk, then with a new silence and tired of all his suffering, he closed his eyes and began to ask himself “Is this no more than a dream?”, “Could I just woke up in my bed like every other day and claim all this is a lie?” hearing again the words he forgot the day before it all started, words that his uncle Vince told him, words that if he may had listened to, this point of no return would never had came to be...
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